Catharsis' Story on Generosity

Spiritual Humor Presents - Catharsis' Story on Generosity

 

[We look in on Catharsis as he is spending time with the Big Brothers and Sisters Program]

Catharsis: Okay, kids, what would you like to do now? Yes, Billy?

Billy: Uncle Catharsis, can you tell us a story?

Catharsis: A story…let me see…I don't think you have heard this one before. In a city very much like this one, there lived a princess…

Billy: A princess? I don't want to hear about no stinkin' princess!

Cindy: I like princesses…tell us more uncle Catharsis!

Billy: Why can't you tell a story with some fighting or something in it?

Catharsis: Just give me some time, Billy, there is an evil knight in this story.

Billy: Now, you're talkin', let's hear it!

Catharsis: The princess' name is Shannon. Shannon's father and mother, the king and queen, were getting older and they wanted Shannon to get married…

***

King: Shannon, we may not be around much longer and it would do our hearts good to know you married a good man before we passed on.

Shannon: But father, I do not know anyone that I would want to marry! If only I could find a good man who is also generous and wise.

Queen: Daughter, don't get too picky now or you may never get married. I married your father because he is indeed a good man, but he was a little behind in the wisdom department if you know what I mean. It took some work over the years to get him where he is today; and, that part about your man being generous, that is a quality which is somewhat rare these days too.

Shannon: I know mom that is why I am still single. If only something extraordinary would happen to bring forth a special man who is worthy of being my king.

***

Cindy: Did she find her king, uncle Catharsis?

Billy: I bet the evil knight kidnaps the princess…oh goody!

Catharsis: Be patient children, I'm getting there. So, one day an evil knight by the name of Boris kidnapped Shannon's parents…

***

Queen: You get your filthy hands off of me you scoundrel! If I only had my cane, I would let you have it good!

Boris: <evil sounding of course> Be quiet you old hag! Why you married this woman, I'll never know old man. She has done nothing but run her trap since I took that gag out of her mouth. I almost dumped her off at the swamp just to get rid of her.

King: Well, she did have quite the body in her younger years. She is actually a very good woman, except when evil knight's kidnap her. What do you want with us?

Boris: I have a thing for your daughter Shannon. Since I could not find her, I took you two instead. If she values your lives, she will follow the instructions in the note I left for her.

Queen: You will never be good enough for my daughter! She seeks a man who is good, generous and wise. You obviously are none of those things!

Boris: Why I told you to keep your trap shut! Looks like I will have to put that gag back in. [we hear struggling] Now, maybe I can hear myself think.

As for the qualities your daughter is seeking, they are definitely overrated. Most wise men are single and besides, they are usually hanging out in a cave somewhere meditating. As far as generosity is concerned, those types usually don't have any money because they give it all away.

Your daughter would be lucky to have me. I am intelligent, strong, rich, and have a naughty side, which many women secretly love. You two stay put while I go check on things.

[Meanwhile, the Princess has found the note]

Shannon: Oh, no, my poor parents! What can I do? I know I asked for something extraordinary but this? I can't marry that evil Boris! I will have to put the word out on the street to see if someone worthy will come to my aid.

[The next day there is a knock at the Princess' door]

Shannon: Can I help you?

Zhi: Hello, my name is Zhi and I have come to help you in your hour of need. May I come in?

[Some time later]

Shannon: Zhi, you certainly seem to be a good and wise man, and I appreciate your offer to help, but I think you might be just a little short for me.

Zhi: Ah, there must be some misunderstanding, I was asked to come here by my good associate Addison. He knew if I came instead of him, the evil Boris might not get suspicious. I am to take you to Addison when it gets dark, and then we can all work together to free your parents.

Shannon: So, tell me about this Addison and your other associates…

***

Billy: When does the fighting start? I want some fighting!

Cindy: Does the princess' parents get saved, uncle Catharsis?

Catharsis: Patience, children, patience…now where was I?

***

Addison: Greetings, Shannon. I am pleased that you decided to trust in Zhi and come here.

Shannon: I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Addison. I could certainly use the help against evil Boris. And you are not bad looking either! May I ask why you are doing this?

Addison: I know your mother, although she does not really know me. She is a good woman and so are you. One of my tasks is to promote the good and overcome evil. My associates and I offer our assistance in dealing with evil Boris.

Shannon: What will your assistance cost me?

Addison: Just your time and energy in helping us to help you.

Shannon: That is very generous of you to help me in my time of need! The note I have from Boris says that I have to be at a certain cave near the old swamp by tomorrow or my parents will be harmed.

Addison: Naruto, please get the map out and let's plan our strategy.

[Some time later]

Naruto: Addison, it looks like this route will put Zhi and I into the cave to safely protect and release Shannon's parents.

Addison: Looks like a good plan. I will stand by to help Shannon when she goes to meet Boris. When you two have her parents released, Zhi take them to a safe place and Naruto come assist in subduing Boris.

Shannon: That sounds like a good plan.

Addison: Okay, let's get it done!

[Later at the meeting location]

Boris: I see you came alone as I instructed. That is very fortunate for your parents. Not that it matters much, since they are so old.

Shannon: Why don't you find some woman who likes evil men? I will never marry a man such as you!

Boris: It is always more exciting to convert someone good into evil. I chose you because you have a reputation of generously doing good in the community, you are not bad looking, and you are sassy which I love in a woman.

Shannon: Sassy, I will give you sassy!

Boris: Come give it to me then!

Shannon: Get your filthy hands off of me, you cretin!

Boris: <laughing> I love a good passionate woman!

Addison: You heard the lady, get your hands off of her.

Boris: Why, who the hell are you?

Addison: I am here to escort you to a place where you will not be causing anyone good any problems for quite some time.

Boris: If you come any closer, I will hurt this woman.

Shannon: That's what you think pal. [Fighting sounds]

[Moments later]

Addison: That was quite a number you did on Boris there. If you were so capable of taking care of Boris yourself, why did you seek out assistance?

Shannon: Because it took such an extraordinary situation to bring a man like you into my life. Shall we cart this villain off to the authorities now? On our way, we can get to know each other better.

Naruto: I see you two have things under control. Very good. I will tie Boris up and then we can be on our way.

***

Billy: Shannon must have known some moves to be able to overcome that evil Boris. She sounds like a cool chick.

Cindy: Did the princess and Addison get married, uncle Catharsis?

Catharsis: That, children, is a story for another time.

Shannon: Catharsis, are you ready to leave now?

Catharsis: Children, this is my good friend Shannon.

Cindy: Wow, just like the princess in the story!

Billy: Can you fight and beat up evil men, Shannon?

Catharsis: Children, children, let's leave Shannon alone. I will see if I can bring her with me the next time I visit you. Give me a high five!

[In the parking lot]

Shannon: Just what kind of stories were you telling those children?

Catharsis: Oh, just how you kicked Boris' butt that first time.

Shannon: Now you have done it! Let's get back to the center before you tell any more of our little secrets.