This article is on the topic of being courteous.
Defined: marked by polished manners, gallantry, or ceremonial usage of a court; marked by respect for and consideration of others.
Introduction: Addison and two of his associates, Naruto and Catharsis, are on the Inner Illumination show when the topic of being courteous comes up in the conversation.
Caller: This question is for Catharsis. I have been listening to your show for a while and I often hear you behaving in what most people would probably consider a rude manner. Yet I find something refreshing about it which keeps me coming back for more. Can you explain this?
Catharsis: That is a great question. What is being rude? If we define it using a dictionary which we are fond of doing here, we get as one definition – intentional discourtesy. Sometimes what I am really doing when people say I am being rude is merely stating an observation which does not sit well with the listener. My observation may hit home with that person as to what s/he feels crosses over his/her line of being respectful towards that person’s persona. For us, meaning the Team, we realize that each persona is an individual’s social façade which is being played out with other personas. Each persona develops certain “guidelines” as to what is acceptable to him/her when it comes to behaving with other personas. These guidelines are usually learned through associating with other personas as one grows up. Each locale may have different ways of behaving that have been developed usually through group consensus over time. One of my functions is to bypass what amounts to a comfort zone for the persona and shock it into a different way of looking at something. As you may notice when I am doing this I do not attack the persona itself, only the concept or behavior I am attempting to throw light upon. Many although initially put off by my behavior find it refreshing because often I am saying something that they wish they had the nerve to say themselves, or, perhaps they feel I hit the target and come to a new realization that they appreciate.
Caller: That is interesting but aren’t spiritual teachers always supposed to be loving and respectful when engaging others?
Addison: I will take this one Catharsis. If you notice Catharsis is being loving and respectful with you at this time. Love is a word with many connotations meaning anything from cherishing someone, having strong affection for another, to copulation. When Catharsis acts up he is actually being loving because he is doing what he does out of the benevolent concern for another, which is another meaning for love. In other words he is doing what he does for the good of the person he is working with. Courtesy itself means nothing other than an accepted social standard of behavior towards another. I have personally observed many so-called spiritual teachers who act very loving and respectful when on camera so-to-speak yet are quite the opposite when the camera stops rolling and the audience is not around.
Catharsis: I find it quite interesting that the people Addison refers to put on the show of being courteous only when in character, and are often quite rude as the caller puts it when they do not feel they have to impress someone for gain. In other words, they act courteous when they expect to gain something from it such as money, fame, etc. For example, when it is show time you may have, “Peace and love to you all…my door is always open if you ever need anything…” then when it is no longer show time, “Security get these people out of my way! What do these fools want; don’t they know I am an important and busy man?” Of course this is said out of ear-shot of those they perceive as money or power sources. Did you have something to add to that Naruto?
Naruto: Perhaps the real reason for courtesy is to keep people civil enough so they do not kill each other over small affairs such as someone cutting in line in front of you. Courtesy allows others to function efficiently with a minimum of hostility, arguing, fighting, and killing. Can you imagine me trying to teach my ju jutsu classes if there was no courtesy between the students towards other students and the teacher? No long-term teaching would be accomplished. As soon as a student did not follow safety protocol and courtesy, he would be lost through being physically damaged or worse.
Catharsis: I can see it now. As soon as one of your less seasoned student’s approached you while forgetting to respectfully bow or to carry a weapon properly you would put the hurt on him.
Naruto: The bow and carrying a weapon properly helps show intention just like anyone’s behavior does towards another. Within the dojo it is very important to be precise with one’s intention so as to not get hurt.
Addison: Being courteous can be seen as showing another that you do not have the intention of harming them, at least physically. It is quite interesting to see how often a courteous person can disguise disrespect for another.
Catharsis: [laughing] That’s humorous. How many times have you seen someone shake hands or greet another in a courteous way yet you can see in their eyes disgust or hatred for that same person? The intent for that person may not be to physically hurt the other person, although I have seen some very rough handshakes and hugs during these moments with some of them almost turning into a wrestling match, yet the mental energy is highly negative. Many use courtesy to inflict wounds upon others that they would never do otherwise, because they would probably get their backsides kicked.
Naruto: Courtesy can be a deceptive strategy to bypass people looking for discourteous behavior allowing the perpetrator to get close enough to his/her target to actually be discourteous!
Catharsis: “Yes sir officer I am here for the press conference…,thank you sir.” then when the target stands up to speak the same person hurls his/her shoes at the speaker or displays a very rude banner for all to see which was hidden underneath the jacket.
Addison: Another interesting aspect to being courteous is that people who actually despise you will use it as camouflage so that they themselves can avert being despised in return.
Catharsis: You know I would much rather have what many consider a bumbling fool who does the bumbling with love in my personal space than the most courteous person doing it out of hatred.
Naruto: Ah, very good. When one exhibits intentional love, consideration and respect towards another then that be the real courtesy – courtesy that is truly helpful and pleasant to be around.
Addison: That was a great topic. Caller you are on the air, what would you like to ask?
[The show continues…]