Spiritual Humor Presents - Mind Games in the Workplace
[Listening as Fred adds more people to his Facebook friend's list]
Fred: This is great! I have all kinds of friends now, and it is so easy.
[Later at work]
Employer: Fred, I am sorry but we are going to have to let you go.
Fred: What, but why, what did I do wrong?
Employer: Well, Fred, it is like this. We received some information from an anonymous source about certain activities you have been involved in that we feel conflict with our business interests.
Fred: What kind of activities?
Employer: Things like dancing naked on top of your car in public. We run a clean business here and we do not need that kind of negative exposure.
Fred: That was a few years ago before I even started working here. That's not fair! I should be allowed to confront my accuser and set the record straight!
Employer: I am sorry, Fred, but this is not a court of law. Our confidence in our informant is high as previous information has proven very accurate. You can get your things and collect your check on your way out. We wish you will in your future endeavors.
[Later at home]
Susan: Fred, how the heck did you let something like that go public? Even I did not know about you dancing naked in the streets!
Fred: Honey, that happened in my crazy days before we got married. I do not know how they found out about that naked incident. No matter how it happened, I have to look for a new job.
[Later interviewing at a competing business to his recent employer]
Hiring Manager: <a Texan perhaps> This sure is a neat program that human resources came up with. All I have to do is put in the hiring information and push a few buttons on my computer and it tells me a lot of personal information about the candidates and predicts if they will fit in or not. How cool is that? Send in the next candidate please.
Fred, tell me why you were let go from your last position.
Fred: I really do not know the exact reason sir. The reason they stated was some incident that happened a few years back and had nothing to do with them. I can assure you I am a law-abiding citizen and work very hard.
Hiring Manager: Ah, it must have been that naked dancing incident.
Fred: How did you know that?!
Hiring Manager: Businesses these days are a little more informed about activities that take place during and after work. Did you have a Facebook account or something similar?
Fred: Yes I do.
Hiring Manager: I suggest that you clean house of everyone except bona fide friends and family members who you trust because the informant was probably someone in your friend list.
Fred: Wow, is that ethical or even legal?
Hiring Manager: All is fair when it comes to American business son.
Fred: Does that mean you will not hire me now?
Hiring Manager: Despite what your previous employer and we learned about your personal life years ago, I am willing to take a chance on you as long as you tell us everything you know about your previous employer and do not let your personal life conflict with your work. Our information says that you would be a hard worker and would do a great job for us. You can start this Monday. We will see you then at 8 AM sharp. I will walk you out and let everyone know that the position is filled.
[Later at home]
Fred: Babe, we have a few days before I start my new job. Let's celebrate and take a mini-vacation!
Susan: That sounds wonderful darling, let's get packed!
[On his first day at work]
Jason: Hello Fred, my name is Jason and I am your supervisor here. I am sorry for interrupting this orientation but did you need to go to the men's room now?
Fred: Why, uh, I suppose I could go now.
Jason: Please do and we can continue after you get back. It is right down that hall, third door on the left.
[Resuming orientation]
Jason: Now, Fred, we keep a tight ship around here. If you do as I say and work hard, we should have no problems. Let me show you your cubicle.
[Later in the day]
Jason: Fred and Lisa go ahead and take a break now.
[In the break room]
Fred: Jason seems to have an uncanny knack for sending people on a break right when they need one. It's as if he is inside our heads for something.
Lisa: Yeah, we do not even have to ask for one. It is like he can read our thoughts.
[A few months later while at home]
Susan: Fred, what has gotten into you lately? You just do not seem to be the same take-charge man I married. It seems as if I have to initiate everything that we do any more. I do not know what is going with you, but it started happening after getting this job you have. What's wrong, don't you miss how things used to be?
Fred: Well, uh, I guess so. How was I again?
Susan: That's it, I am going to call Catharsis for advice. This cannot keep going on like this, honey.
[Susan having a consultation with Catharsis]
Susan: It is like he has become some kind of zombie since he started working at his job. Do you think that they are brainwashing him or something?
Catharsis: It sounds like the employer has his work so structured that Fred does not need to use any initiative. I am sure I can help him come back to life if he is willing to work with me on it.
[During a session with Catharsis]
Catharsis: It is your move, Fred…uh huh, I see you are moving in nicely on my king.
Fred: Yes, I seem to be doing rather well. You sure are different from any therapist I have heard of. I notice that we play a lot of strategy games and other cool stuff.
Catharsis: Yes, I do have my own ways of getting things done. How are you and Susan getting along lately?
Fred: I can tell she is happy now and so am I. I am even taking initiative at work.
Catharsis: That's great! Keep applying what you have learned here in your life and watch what happens.
[Later at a work evaluation]
Jason: I must say that you are a very hard worker and you do great work. You sure have thrown us for a loop here lately with your initiative. Frankly, I am not sure what to do with you anymore.
Fred: Oh, why is that?
Jason: Your actions are not predictable anymore and that has some people in human resources a little concerned.
Fred: Well, I suppose a computer cannot tell you one thing about your employees.
Jason: What's that?
Fred: Humans are capable of change!
Jason: Oh, yeah, although not common, I suppose you are right. Let's see how we might work your initiative into the company. We may have to move you into management.