[Narrator Introduction] We check in as Catharsis gets his annual checkup.
Doctor: Catharsis, your checkup seems to be going rather well so far. Since you are African-American, I suggest that you start getting your prostate checked as well. We can do that right now.
Catharsis: Hold on a minute doc. What does checking my prostate entail?
Doctor: Well, unfortunately for you, it takes a well-lubed finger up your derriere.
Catharsis: My what? Isn't there another way of doing it doc?
Doctor: I am afraid not, Catharsis, and it is certainly better to catch a problem early rather than later. The test takes only a few minutes to complete.
Catharsis: Alright, let's get this over with.
Doctor: You may feel a slight, momentary discomfort during the test. Please assume the position.
Catharsis: You are married aren't you doc?
Doctor: Happily married with two children, why do you ask?
Catharsis: Oh, just checking.
[A few minutes later]
Catharsis: You looking for gold there doc?
Doctor: It is taking a little longer than usual because I am not sure about what I am feeling. Okay, I think we should set up an appointment with an urologist for you just to make sure. That is someone who specializes in the prostate. It may be nothing, but it is better…
Catharsis: to be safe than sorry! Yes, I know. Does my insurance cover this urologist?
Doctor: You will have to look at your insurance plan and see what urologist is covered by it and then set up an appointment after your insurance carrier approves it of course.
[Weeks later after battling with the insurance carrier for an appointment with the urologist]
Urologist: Cataract, please assume the position so that we can take a closer look at what your doctor was suspicious of.
Catharsis: The name is Ca-thar-sis. I came a long way to get here. Let's get this over with. You are married aren't you doc?
Urologist: Actually, no, but I am dating a nice woman. Why do you ask?
Catharsis: Oh, just checking.
[Minutes later]
Urologist: Well…hhhmmmmm…I don't think you have a problem with your prostate but we should probably set up an appointment with a proctologist just to make…
Catharsis: …sure. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Yes, I have heard that before. Now why do I have to go to a proctologist?
Urologist: Why, Catarus, it's because a proctologist specializes in diseases of the colon, rectum, and anus.
Catharsis: Why can't you do it? You enter the same place don't you?
Urologist: Well, quite frankly, it is because our malpractice insurance does not allow us to practice outside of our specialty.
Catharsis: I suppose I have to travel a great distance somewhere else to see this guy as well. I will think about it.
Urologist: As you wish, Mr. Catarus.
[Weeks later after battling with the insurance carrier for an appointment with the proctologist]
Proctologist: Hello, Mr. Catharsis, please go into the room there and strip down for me and I will be in there shortly.
Catharsis: You mean you are the one that's going to be giving me the exam?
Proctologist: That's correct. I will be there in a few minutes.
[A half hour later the proctologist goes into the exam room only to catch Catharsis taking a nap on the exam table]
Proctologist: [zzzzz….zzzz] Mr. Catharsis, please wake up. [huh, what? Yeah, okay] I apologize that it took me longer than expected. Now what seems to be the problem?
Catharsis: I am not sure if there is a problem.
Proctologist: Okay, let's take a look and see if there is one.
Catharsis: You are single aren't you?
Proctologist: Yes, why?
Catharsis: Oh, just making sure.
[A few minutes later]
Proctologist: Well, Mr. Catharsis, I do not see any problem with your colon and so forth. Everything there looks just fine. But maybe we should set you up with an appointment with a cardiologist to make sure everything is fine there. I noticed that your heart rate spiked up a bit when I was doing the exam.
Catharsis: That can probably be explained by you being a woman giving me a rectal exam. I think I will just get checked out by my own special specialist.
Proctologist: And who would that be?
Catharsis: That would be Zhi. He treats the whole person, and would probably do a faster and better job at locating any problem I may have; and I would not have to battle any insurance company over it.
Proctologist: Is Zhi one of those eastern medicine practitioners?
Catharsis: That is correct.
Proctologist: That field has always fascinated me.
Catharsis: Perhaps I can introduce you two and you may learn something new. Give me your number and I will have him call you, and since you are single how about going out to dinner with me? That way you can get to know the rest of me better.
Proctologist: Oh, Catharsis, <blushing> why don't we make it this Friday night at six?
[Days later Catharsis is getting an exam by Zhi]
Zhi: You seem to be a very healthy man. Maybe your doctor just had something on his glove.
Catharsis: That's great Zhi. I appreciate you seeing me this soon. I often wonder how the regular medical establishment manages to get anything done in a timely manner. I think they simply enjoyed spinning me around just to collect insurance money.
At least they could have all been located in the same building complex. That way I could just casually stroll down to the next door to be screwed and felt better about it, instead of having to travel all over the area for it.
Zhi: With things so specialized it often takes longer to get the problem taken care of. Many practitioners are just dealing quickly with the symptoms instead of getting to the real problem. One thing that western medicine does excel at is emergency medicine.
Catharsis: I will remember that if I ever have a medical emergency.
Zhi: Maybe one day the system will work better for all. Let's have some tea.