[Knocking at the door]
John: Lisa, I know you are in there! Can I at least get my toothbrush and pajamas?
Lisa: If I open the door, I know you are just going to force your way in here! I'll throw them out the bedroom window for you.
John: What? The apartment is on the tenth level! Some homeless person might get them before I even make it back down there.
Lisa: Okay, then I will mail them to you! Now go away!
John: Fine, I will spend the night at Mike's. We will talk about this tomorrow when you have cooled off.
[Narrator introducing skit]: Months later, John is discussing his dating experiences with his best friend.
Mike: You just have to give it more time, John. Finding a good woman who is compatible is worth waiting for.
John: That's easy for you to say, you already have a wonderful woman in your life. It's just so hard to find someone who is good, likes the same things I do, and actually likes me. If you only knew what I have gone through so far when it comes to dating. Most men may have shaved their heads and become a monk by now.
Mike: Okay, give me some idea of your experiences so I can try to understand.
John: Well, some of the women I have gone out with have ended up being mentally unstable. You remember the last woman I dated who bribed my apartment manager to let her move her stuff into my place. She tried locking me out of my own place. I actually had to have the Sheriff department protect me as I moved my stuff out. I abandoned the apartment and left her there. The last I heard she was living with the manager.
Then there were the women who just used me for sex, my money, car, etc.
Mike: How was the sex?
John: It was good sometimes, but if there is no depth to the relationship that gets old real fast. I am looking for a woman I can have children with and together we can grow old. Some women were only interested in seeing if they can catch me and when they did, they lost interest. I just don't know what to do any more.
Mike: Yes, I am fortunate that I have a good woman in my life. Have you thought about possibly dating an older woman? You know what I am talking about, someone who is more mature and has gotten beyond playing mind games.
John: I never thought about that before. I have always dated women my age or younger. That's something to think about. Hhhhhmmmm…maybe I will check that out.
Mike: Maybe we can find a mature single's site online. Let's take a look right now.
[While surfing the internet]
Mike: Hey, John, this site looks good. It's called Golden Babes. There seems to be a good selection of profiles right in our area! Let's go through some of them.
John: Sure, okay. Looks like some of them are nice looking too. That one there is interesting.
Mike: You mean the one with the black and white picture on the profile? She certainly is quite the looker. I wonder why she used a black and white picture instead of a colored one; and look at those clothes; they must be from the last century.
John: It says right here that she is an artist. Maybe she is just trying to show off some of her artistic ability to make us think it is an antique picture. She is probably just trying to show that she is different from most women. That's pretty cool, and her profile sounds real good to me. We seem to have many interests in common.
Mike: How old is she?
John: It doesn't say, but the profile does say that she is quite mature for her age and young at heart.
Mike: Well, okay then, what will it hurt to respond? Go ahead and see what happens.
[Two weeks later]
John: Mike, I received a handwritten letter from that woman I contacted. Who writes handwritten letters these days? She really gave it the personal touch, and smell that scent! Yummy!
Mike: Wow, that is something. What's her name?
John: Her name is Sally. Her handwriting is very nice and she seems like a great woman. I am going to keep writing to her and see what happens.
[A month later]
John: Mike, can you watch my place over the weekend? I am going to finally meet Sally at her home in the country. She is really something. She sounds perfect for me.
Mike: Sure, John. It is great that you found someone that sparks your interest. Your attitude has really gotten a lot better since you have been communicating with her. Have you spoken on the phone with her yet?
John: No, that is one of the things I like about her. She is not into watching zombie TV, and does not even have a phone.
Mike: She sounds like a real back-to-nature type to me. Make sure you give me directions to her place so that I can find you in case something happens. Be careful and enjoy yourself buddy.
[John pulls up to Sally's country home]
John: [whistling] I sure hope we hit it off in person. I really like this woman. [knocks on the door and the door opens]
Old woman: Howdy, you must be John. Welcome, come on in! I have been looking so much to finally meeting you.
John: It is nice to meet you too. Are you related to Sally?
Old woman: John, I am Sally!
John: [huh!] What? Ah, Sally put you up to this right? That's a pretty good joke you two played on me. You almost had me going there!
Old woman: No, John, I really am Sally. I can even quote you just about everything I wrote to you in those letters. You know, like the part where you asked what I looked like in a bikini, and I responded that I like to wear the one-piece bathing suits because I am so modest.
John: I can think of some other reasons why you might wear one. How can this be? I mean, do you do this with all the men that respond to your profile on that website? [getting angry] Is this just a big joke to you to lead someone on like this?!
Old woman/Sally: What do you mean John? Everything I said was true, every bit of it.
John: Yeah, but, you, you, are not exactly in my age range. I mean, how could you, you, let me fall for you like this and then I come here and it isn't anything like I expected.
Old woman/Sally: Well, John, you never asked me how old I was; and as far as the rest of it is concerned, I think you saw only what you wanted to. Everything I said about myself is absolutely true.
John: I suppose you are right about that. I guess I just assumed you were within a certain age range and never bothered to ask you. You just sounded like a great woman and I wanted it to be what I imagined. Now what?
Old woman/Sally: We may as well make a good weekend out of it since you are here. Based upon our letters we can probably become real good friends.
John: Okay, maybe I can gain from your wisdom while I am here. Sure, let's do it!
Old woman/Sally: On one condition.
John: What's that?
Old woman/Sally: That you keep your hands to yourself. I am not into one-night stands and I am pretty good at using this cane!